Hi Sweet P's!! WOW, this past Thursday was so surreal for me!! Probably one of the greatest nights of my life. It was actually the 5 year anniversary of my elimination night! And not only did I perform, I also released TWO new singles, so everything was a bit full circle!
That week leading up to the finale was a roller coaster of emotions & slightly overwhelming at times! I just wanted to soak up all the laughter, singing, and reminiscing with the Idol Alums, yet prepping for not only one single, but two single releases meant lots of promo, never-ending rehearsals, and no sleep! Nonetheless, I am so proud of these records, both "PyRo" & "You'll Be King"! It's been five years since I released my last single & the fact that it all happened to fall on the night of the last American Idol show ever was very emotional & full circle for me.
Many of you don't know that I suffered from extreme anxiety when I was on American Idol. It was something I battled for years, but it became much more present in my life during my time on Idol. A lot of fans commented on my lack of connection to the songs I would sing, yet they weren't aware of this battle. At that time, performing me gave me so much fear & that interfered with me being able to connect. I felt like I had to be a soldier on stage so that I wouldn't melt into tears on stage in front of millions of viewers. I wasn't yet okay with revealing the vulnerable and emotional side of me. So I kept it tucked away.
When Idol reached out for me to return to Idol, there was no way that I would let my fears & anxiety take over. For the first time on the American Idol stage, I was taking control & was hell bent on being present while I performed & living in the moment while I was on stage. I said a very specific prayer before I went on stage, because I'd be lying if I said that I didn't feel myself slipping back into my old habits of self defeat & over thinking. I asked God to take away every single ounce of fear that was trying to work its way into my mind, I asked God to bless my voice to be stronger than ever, I asked God to bless me with an abundance of confidence & for the ability to reach the millions of people tuning into to the final show EVER of American Idol, & mainly I asked God to help me to relax & be calm, to just live & enjoy this beautiful moment that was happening in my life. This was the last time I would ever step foot on the stage of American Idol, the stage that started it all for me & I was not going to look back on this incredible moment with regret. God, sure did answer my prayers in a way that was so much bigger than I had ever imagined. For the first time on stage, I was completely present & in the moment. I felt like nothing could stop me & that was the greatest gift I could've been given that night.
To close, now that the show really over, I am feeling kind of numb. I thought I'd be more emotional because I had been getting teary eyed in rehearsals when we were running through the closing number, "A Moment Like This." I guess reality just hasn't set in that the show is not coming back, but I know when it does, it's going to hit me like a ton of bricks.
American Idol, thank You a million zillion times for giving me a chance. Thank You for making my dream a beautiful reality! Thank You for blessing me with an incredible group of fans that I call my lil SweetPs! Thank You for letting me use my voice to reach people! Thank You for a lifetime of memories & incredible friends. And most of all thank you for preparing me for this very moment today, allowing me to share my music with the world!
'PyRo' & 'You'll Be King' both available on iTunes, GooglePlay, & Amazon!
Love you Sweet Ps!